Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Who am I? Good question!
The funny thing about your question Red Bird is that I've always known who I was, but I've never actually been that person. I think I can steal a few of your personality traits (no surprise there seeing as we are the same person) but I would also add desperate to please, perfectionist and coward to the list.
I am the girl would will do anything to make the people around her happy, which in turn means not always doing the things I would prefer to do. I will accept nothing but perfection from myself, which in turn means never getting anything done for fear of failure. I am a coward because I know who I am, but I won't be that person. You made some big changes in your life recently, things that I have always wanted to do. I have so much respect for you because you were fearless and I am still a coward. I'm really good at hiding behind people and telling myself that they are my obstacle, when really all I have to do is walk around them. Perhaps this is who I really am and I'm kidding myself that I'm anything else. I don't think I could handle finding anything else out about myself right now, working on these things is exhausting enough! Then again maybe finding out more will give me some answers. Ultimately I think what this is, is too long being a mother or wife. Too long playing the part and not taking the time to just be me as well. My husband is really good at finding time to do the things he wants to do.He knows what he wants and he goes and gets it. I really respect him for that. He believes that life is to short and you have to act now. He once asked me, when I was feeling down and frustrated, what I wanted, what I wanted my legacy to be. That was many years ago and I still haven't found the answer, too afraid of failure! I am getting braver though, setting goals and actually doing them. Ran a marathon, displayed my art and have plans in the pipeline.
If we're dedicating posts to people then this one I will have to dedicate to you my friend, I hope you know how much I value you. And my husband. I am married to a man who will make me laugh every day, who has always been supportive no matter how irrational I'm being and a wonderful father. You both make me a better person. Thank you.
Always yours
Sparrow
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Coward...I'm shocked you'd use that word. Coward=Sparrow? NEVER. Perfectionist, yes.People pleaser, yes! Damn, girl, you're in an RV in a country that you were not born in, homeschooling your child, going from campground to campground. Coward? You need a better dictionary. You are anything but a coward even if you feel like one. That's when we're actually at our strongest, when we're doing something despite fear!
ReplyDeletePS Your garden that you spent so much time on has gone to ruin. Our new puppy played in it today and it made me deliriously happy to be in your garden even if the weeds are taking over :-)
Now, I'm going to go find a kleenex cause you made me weepy-AGAIN
We are our worst critic when we should be our own champion. I think we need to see ourselves through the eyes of others every now and then just to get a reality check. The depth of our critisism is overwhelming, overpowering.. we give it far too much power. I think even the people that seem to be the most "together" would tell you they would change "such and such". It is normal to sit back and ponder our mistakes, flaws, changes... we should take just as much time to aknowledge our successes! Heck... even our failures, as we learn so much from them. Be you... in every sense of the word... for YOU is a darn good thing!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully well said, Kelly! Thank you.
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