Inviting memories to tea.

My dear dear friend, I think it was inevitable that you were going to hit this period of mourning. I think that's a good word to use. You have lost so much recently. Your marriage, your job which, despite the amazingly dysfunctional craziness of it, did so much for your self esteem. Your daughters innocence, that episode took her straight from child to adult in the most painful way. Physically you lost a part of you also, literally, with your surgery and I believe there is some mourning happening there too. You lost your home environment that was safe and so full of memories and you and your new home are still getting to know each other perhaps. It takes a while for a house to feel like a home sometimes. On top of that you are doing it on your own. Yes you have good friends who love you dearly, but as much as we know and sympathize and support, only you can sort and store or disregard these things. So I say embrace this time as necessary, this is your mind telling you it is full for the time being and needs help processing what happened. Take each episode from this past year, spend time with it, make your peace with the bad, remember and laugh with the good, then put it away. It has happened and it is past. You can re-visit in the future when you are feeling stronger, you can create a category for that, just be at peace with it before you file it away. Try and actually set a time aside to imagine this Red Bird, sit with your memory like you would sit with a friend for tea. Only one at a time, this is not a dinner party. Give it your full attention and work it through from beginning to end until you are at peace. Don't waste time trying to change what happened, don't beat yourself up over woulda' coulda' shoulda', just focus on what you did do and remember the reasons for why, they were all genuine and valid. Maybe the results might not have been perfect at times,not what you would have hoped for, but it is done. I am with you in spirit, thinking of you everyday. This time of sadness will pass leaving you stronger. I hope some of this helps, it's weird I know and a bit Hippie Dippie, but perhaps there is too much whirling around in your head causing this fog? I don't know. If it doesn't work, just have another brownie and know that we are here.

I feel so very far away from your right now and sad that I'm not there to pick you up, then again I only come with raw brownies, maybe it's for the best.
Always yours
Sparrow