Dear Asperger's: Welcome, We've Been Waiting For You...

Sparrow,

I read your post about your lad and the trials and tribulations of needing to get a haircut and I sighed in recognition of the emotions that you must go through over, what seems to us, the insignificant  details of life. To our children, though, and to children on the Autism Spectrum in general, these things aren’t simple; getting a haircut, going out into society in general with its plethora of sounds, sights, colours, and smells, can be a sensory overload that can throw a child into a literal panic. I wonder what people, who don’t know about Autism, or Autism Spectrum, think when they read our postings about our kids. Do they think we’ve gone off of the deep end or can they actually commiserate?

Your most recent posting, "Haircut"(http://birdieandsparrow.blogspot.ca/2013/01/haircut.html), received a beautiful comment from a reader empathizing with you on this issue and encouraging you forward and I was deeply moved by it and the fact that this person could be so feeling, but it made me wonder how many others really understand what it is like to have children like ours. If they don’t, they must read postings like yours, or the one I wrote about Chronic  Sorrow(http://birdieandsparrow.blogspot.ca/2013/01/uncontrollable-weeping-and-chronic.html), and think we are over dramatic. Heck, they must wonder why we even feel the need to blog, altogether. For anyone that is interested, here is a link with information pertaining to Asperger’s Syndrome and Autism Spectrum Disorder:  http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/brain/asperger.html

On our end, we always knew that our youngest was “different” somehow. Her drummer tapped out a beat unlike most and we recognized, from a very early age, that the world, through her eyes, was unlike anything we could experience. We started the process of diagnosing her when she was only 6 and, while many a possible label was thrown our way, it wasn’t until yesterday, January 22 2013, that the official label came through: Asperger’s Syndrome.

There it is - High Functioning Asperger’s Syndrome(the high functioning aspect refers to her higher than average intelligence level). We are no longer “potentially” on the Autism Spectrum with a “potential” disorder. My daughter has Asperger’s Syndrome.  If you imagine a line drawn horizontally across a page, much like a historical timeline, we have a definitive spot now marked with a great big red dot. It’s further down the line from Classic Autism but it shares many of the same traits and quirks and it is that big red dot which allows my daughter to see herself, and her needs, in a concrete, “this is me” kinda way. And, for those that don’t believe in “labelling” a child, let me say this:  try to walk through the world knowing that the world, as others experience it, is so vastly, grossly, monumentally, different than the way you experience it that you think there must be something wrong with you, and then tell me that a label doesn’t matter.  A simple label truly does have the power to not only explain your behaviours, but also to help you understand and forgive yourself for them, and to appreciate them. The label is just a word, sure, I get that, but it allows a child to say:  “That’s Why!”.  It allows parents to say: “Now I get it!”.  It gives, to a degree, a guideline of how to proceed and a chance to start again, with understanding.  Never underestimate the need to “understand” and to be understood. My child couldn’t be happier to finally know, “This is who I am, this is why, and this places me in a group of people that I understand and who will understand me”.

Asperger’s Syndrome, I welcome you to my world as a label, but you don’t phase me because you have, technically, been in my life for almost 13 years via my Kidlet. You have challenged us but this family has met you head on. You have introduced us to beauty, and to heartache, you have dragged me kicking and screaming into a world of Chronic Sorrow but also into one of stunning happiness. I welcome you as an official label and we, as a family, will banish the preconceived prejudices that such a label brings with it and we will continue to love our Kidlet, respect her, and marvel in her as we always have. I just wish, Asperger’s Syndrome, I just wish that you didn’t make my little lady THAT intelligent cause she rolls her eyes at me, way, way, way, too many times a day!!!!! Actually, I take that back, BRING IT ON!

Love Always,
Mother of an "Aspie Girl"
Red Bird