Labels

Hello Dear Friend

It was so nice to see your beautiful face over Skype this morning. I'm sorry I could do no more than a perfect impression of Einstein. My hair seems to like the dragged through a hedge backwards look. Well that was weird, I wrote backwoods before correcting it. Seems like my brain was playing word association with 'hedge' without me knowing. Crazy how that mass of neurons functions!
I've been wanting to post a reply to your previous post 'Welcome Asperger's'. I think the issue of labeling is such a difficult topic for anyone either dealing with mental health or not. It's a bit like the medication debate, everyone has an opinion. Sadly a lot of those opinions come from a shamefully uneducated viewpoint.
I find it fascinating the declarations people make about topics they obviously know so little.
I have to tell you Red Bird that we are having a really hard time with this right now. So far an official label has not been necessary for the boy. We have adapted our situation to make things work. However we are getting to a point where it may become essential. If he is to succeed in University we will need accommodations for him. Only a label will open those doors. But what then. What happens post University when he's looking for a job and more importantly benefits. When they are young a label is such a positive thing, it opens so many doors from financial support to school accommodations to therapies. What happens to that label when they are older and it potentially becomes a burden rather than a help. Really, he is what he is, if he's not autistic then he's just weird, and I think we would rather him known as autistic, but still, we worry. Although the world is becoming much more open and accepting of children like ours thanks to people like Bill Gates, a highly visible and wildly successful Aspie, there are still many closed minded people out there who will never understand. Case in point a person who refuses to believe our son's disability because he's far to intelligent to be autistic. Instead they prefer to believe he's faking it. I think that say's more about them than him, but really, faking it? Of course the biggest benefit for attaching a label is the peace of mind our children seem to get from knowing where they fit. You said it so well this morning, how important this is for children like ours who need things well defined, who only function well when things can be classified and are predictable. The only social group from all the activities we tried, from swimming to soccer to hip hop to tennis, that the boy ever attended willingly, week after week without the usual anxiety and stress, was 'Yoga for Teens with Aspergers'. It wasn't the yoga, it was knowing he couldn't make a social mistake in that class. It was the relief that everyone else was like him and he could just be himself. He wasn't expected to act in a certain way, a way that he had no clue how to do. He didn't need to talk or pretend to make eye contact. He didn't have to participate if he didn't feel like it. He could roll his mat out in the far corner, away from everyone else and just be.
You made this point in your post so well my friend, but I wanted to say it too, because it's one of the biggest gifts we can give our children,  peace of mind. To feel okay with who they are, to know that although they  don't belong to the majority, they do belong to a group of the most incredible people. In that group, they are 'normal' or to use a better word than that dreadful term, they simply fit, they are home. When you told me of Fledglings diagnosis it was the first thing that sprang to mind for me. The relief she must have felt. I could picture her shoulders rising as this burden of who or what she was, was lifted from her and now she could move forward.
I'm so happy for you that as a family you have been able to welcome Aspergers in and fully embraced it. I know what a long journey this has been for you all. I also want to thank you. Each person who stands proud and says, yes my child has...... makes it that much better for all our children's futures. Futures where prejudice is a rarity, not a normalcy.

Always yours
Sparrow