Turn left, then turn right.

My dear Red Bird,

As our journey is coming to an end, at least for a few months anyway, I find myself planning for an uncertain future. As freeing as pointing our truck west and seeing what happens is, there is something to be said for routine and knowing your destination. We have a plan of sorts, settle in Victoria for a while, see how we like it, head south for the winter spending some time in California, New Mexico and Texas. I find myself, however, craving a more permanent situation. I need to make plans, I need to know what we're doing and I need to fill that time. It is perhaps a control thing, I have been floating along, fulfilling my job as wife and mother for so long always with the thought in mind that one day I would be fulfilling my goals, as an independent me. Now, with things as they are, I have the realisation that perhaps my role will continue to be PA to the family as they all go off and learn new things and start their journeys anew. Well turns out, I'm not okay with that anymore. I should clarify that I take full responsibility for the position I'm in. Despite feelings of dissatisfaction I keep myself firmly locked up in mother/wife purgatory, there is no one stopping me but me. I have a terrible habit of always looking to others for approval, such little self confidence it's pathetic.

So here today in front of you and all who read this blog I declare that I'm done with that. It's time to stop procrastinating, set my plans in motion and no matter what, follow through. And yes I get the irony of this not being my first post about no longer procrastinating, but rehabilitation takes some time, (that by the way is the official motto of the procrastination movement!) Your job, Red Bird is to remind me to fly in the right direction, as my GPS is broken, it keeps sending me the wrong way.

Always yours
Sparrow