Virtual Fence

Dearest Red Bird

We are a long way from where we started aren't we. I think, with the new experiences we are having separate from each other, we will inevitably feel like the distance is growing between us, but only because we don't have any common experiences to share. But my dear one, we never did. Being two so very private (read: antisocial) beings our interactions were more weekly round ups with news from your side of the fence being the weird and wacky variety and mine the introverted ramblings of an indoctrinated mother! How fortunate then that we have this 'interweb' thing and 'the Google' to bridge that gap (sorry, that's what my mother calls it and now I can't call it anything else!) So let's pretend that our laptops are the fence and we are still the same, clucking and giggling about the woes and highs of our week. Having said all that, I too am feeling further from you these last few days, so for goodness sake get Skype already will you!

How about I tell you about my day. You of all people will understand my poor boy's struggles. It was not a good day, typical, but not the best.
So it started with the whole badly (not) worded Science assignment I wrote for him. As I told you in my email he had a terrible time with the language I chose. For those reading this who are not Red Bird, my son's autism leaves him with rigid thinking and an incredible sense of fairness. He will take the written or spoken word literally and will fight you to the death if he feels duped. So here's what I wrote. He is currently doing a unit on ecology and the affects of invasive species and human interaction on native species.

Question 1
Find 4 species which are endangered, threatened or at risk due to poaching or habitat destruction. These species do not have to be all from the same region. Of the 4 species at least one of the animals must be hunted illegally (poached) and at least one must experience habitat destruction.

Species Name                       Motivation for poaching?                          Cause of habitat destruction?
1
2
3
4
He wrote down 4 species and filled in the column about poaching for one and the column for habitat destruction for another, the other two he left blank.

He read the instructions literally. One must be poached and one must be affected by habitat destruction, the others didn't matter. So my friend, you know what happened next. He lost it, he was so angry that I was telling him he did it wrong when that's what the instructions told him to do. It took a while and he finally sort of calmed down, but refused to answer the question as written!

We then took him to the University of Victoria as they were having their 'Happy 50th Birthday' celebrations. We got there too late, the place was pretty deserted other than a few students mingling around but we hung out and toured the campus for a while. If he could have climbed inside himself I think he would have. You know how it is Red Bird, it's a kind of physical pain for them to be around people and he has a particularly hard time with people in his age category. We dug in our heels, refusing to leave and had him persevere. How on earth he's going to manage higher education I don't know. Looks like we better start thinking about plan B and increase his interactions with the outside world.

Going back to the badly worded science thing, as he was raging at the injustice of the situation, all I could do was laugh. Am I a bad parent? I couldn't help it, it was such a text book response from him as someone with autism, it was just funny. I don't know that I'm explaining this well, but he was so flustered about the injustice of it all when it really wasn't a big deal. I didn't criticize him when I pointed out the mistake but he took it as such a personal attack and all I could do was laugh. I know it meant a lot to him, but I could only say, 'It's alright mate, it's not a big deal.' so many times before it became funny as he made proclamation after proclamation about the unfairness of it all and my incompetence as a science worksheet writer! Yes, I am a terrible mother laughing at her child, but I don't think I am able to handle this any other way. There is no point in worrying or pacifying. That will not benefit him in the long run. I point out he is being rigid, I point out he is being rude, I point out that this is not typical behaviour and he will not fair well in the world if he acts this way with others and I do it all with a smile because it's not his fault. I point out that this is his autism and he needs to be calm and let it go. We must agree to disagree, he must learn to compromise and let it go. I have to laugh at the insanity of it all because there is no point doing it any other way, we will end up in the same place so might as well end up there happy.

You had mentioned in a facebook post about things not starting well for Fledgling at school this year and we haven't had a chance to talk about it. I worry about her everyday. Is she happy? Does she have friends? Are they understanding and forgiving? Is she eating properly? Does she know she has two mothers? By the way all those questions are not a reflection on your parenting skills, I know she's eating properly as she has the most excellent parents, but I worry (picture hand gestures and an Italian accent plus me 100lb heavier, all in black with perhaps a lace collar and grey hair pulled back in a bun as I said that!)

I miss you my friend.
Always yours ,unless you fail to install Skype this week where upon I will become someone else's,
Sparrow.... aww crap, you know that's not true.